Well, if you don't want to hear it straight then you should not read any further.
This has to do with the relationship between a husband and a wife, which includes but is not limited to the subject of making love. Some people call it sex. Personally, I don't like that word. I believe there is a huge difference between having sex and making love.
When I was 15 years old, a godly woman (who was helping me work through some baggage from when i was raped at age 9) told me that sex was really a very beautiful thing and that she was so sorry that it had become an ugly monster to me and that someday she hoped I would experience the beauty of it. I thought she was crazy (well not her, but that thought) To me, It was ugly. It was scary. It was something I NEVER wanted anything to do with...EVER! Period!
It's quite obvious that the Lord brought a great deal of healing in my life...which is a completely different post. So, for now we will skip all those details and move along.
Healing is not quite the word I'm looking for. I don't know what the adequate word would be. Well, most of you know how incredibly thankful and intensely-passionately-madly-in love with my husband I am. We share something very special (again I don't know the adequate word) This intense passion we share quite often leads us to enjoying the gift God gave us on our wedding day. Sex! I prefer to call it making love. After all, the whole reason we share each other and pleasure each other in this way is because words are not enough, there are no words to express the things we feel for each other. Like I said "words" are not adequate. So our speechless lips embrace and we draw close and the rest is nobodies business...God knew what he was doing. This is why he created this gift for us to enjoy only with each other. It is something special, amazing, BEAUTIFUL that we share with NOBODY else! NOBODY! I believe that is part of what makes it so beautiful.
I have heard from several girlfriends (and just women in general) "complaints" of how frequent their husband wants to make love. For years I could not relate to this or understand why they complained. A few years ago I learned something that blew my mind and caused me to wonder why my husband and I were so different and if this difference was healthy. From what I gather from the many who have freely shared I have come to the conclusion that most couples make love once or twice a week. Some of those women complain of their husband wanting more. This didn't make sense to me. *you may quit reading now, if you wish. But don't be offended if you continue to read as I share what I have learned* You see, I couldn't relate and still can't. My husband and I are obviously in the very minority of couples who enjoy making love passionately, pretty much every single day. A fair amount, twice a day. And occasionally, three or more times (that usually only happens on Sundays or an over night date night) Now pick your jaw off the desk! I had no idea that we weren't "normal"!!! I guess I never wondered how often other couples make love. But when I continually heard the complaints I wondered what was different. Why did we desire each other so passionately and so often??? I finally got the nerve up to ask my doctor if there was such thing as making love "too often" I happened to be nearing the end of a pregnancy at the time and attributed my question to wondering if frequent love making would cause contractions too early. Which was true, I did wonder that. But mostly I wondered if our frequency was healthy (that is the part I was too embarrassed to tell her...or the exact number of times we make love. Perhaps that would have changed her answer. I don't know. But my question was "Is there such thing as making love too often?" She did not hesitate to tell me "NO! Absolutely not!" Comforting news, because as you know by now...we love to love each other! So we didn't feel the need to change anything and continue to make love very frequently. A love like ours can not be quenched I guess. The best part is our faithfulness to each other offers a true oneness. Our love is shared only with each other. There should be no shame in that, which is why I have even decided that it shouldn't be such an "off limits" topic. We would help each other with gardening tips because we want to see our friends grow a healthy garden, why is it that we shouldn't want to see them grow a healthy marriage. I'm NOT saying that you have to make love as often as we do in order to have a healthy marriage!!! I am saying that it would do us all some good to share what we learn about how to understand our spouse to help us all learn and grow. It has nothing at all to do with swapping the intimate details of pleasuring each other. It has everything to do with helping husbands and wives understand each others needs and desires. One other important dynamic of our love making is that we are not silent. I'm not talking about the panting and moaning and all that. Nothing wrong with that at all, but I'm talking about talking. When we make love we talk, we whisper, we communicate, we share our thoughts, feelings & desires. Sometimes when things are intensely passionate we stop. We continue to hold and caress each other, but we pause from the intensity and praise and thank God for the moment we are sharing and ask him to bless our time together and cause us to be drawn into perfect unity...to make us one, to create a bond and a love that can not be broken. We pray, we worship, we make love. It truly is a beautiful thing! Last night we were making love and we were communicating with each other like we always do. Because I believe I was enlightened about something last night, I want to share what I learned about my husband (and is most likely true about yours) While we were making love we were sharing some of what making love means to us and how it pleasures us. For example I told my husband that making love is a VERY emotional experience for me. I feel completely loved and connected, bonded. I feel like we know each other like nobody else knows us, I feel like feelings of intense love and passion are exchanged and expressed where words can not compare or have the same result or affect. For me there is an enormous amount of physical pleasure too, but my enjoyment and fulfillment would best be described as primarily emotional. And when we are finished we lie together cuddled in each others arms, a few last kisses and a few more whispers "I love you". Then my mind continues to enjoy the time we just shared. Even now, My mind continues to enjoy what we shared last night. You see, it is on going. The climax lasts for hours and days. This intense sense and feeling of being truly loved and truly loving...it carries me. It is very emotional. I think about and replay in my mind the things we did to and with each other and the words we spoke, whispered or panted to each other, the expressions on my husbands face as he was feeling intense physical pleasure... It's still there. Etched in my memory and my emotion. At this moment, what we shared last night (and even a few days ago) still fulfill me, excite me and satisfy me. I still feel the oneness we shared and thoroughly enjoyed. Now back to the part where I told you that While we were making love we were sharing some of what making love means to us and how it pleasures us.... I learned that for my husband it is opposite. While all the things I just described bring him an enormous amount of pleasure and enjoyment and connection...his primary fulfillment is physical. The ways and places I touch and kiss and caress him. He loves the feeling of MY naked body pressed against HIS naked body. He loves for me to do many things that I will not share, because those are personal intimate details, that fall under our sharing this gift only with each other. But you get the point. God designed him to be fulfilled and brought into unity with me primarily physically. Now this part is VERY IMPORTANT to understand where all this is going to help you understand why I believe many husbands desire to make love more often than their wife does...so listen carefully. Physical pleasure lasts only for a short time. We all know how our bodies feel physically during love making, leading up to an orgasm, during and orgasm and then the tapering off of intense physical enjoyment after an orgasm. After a while your body feels back to normal, physically. Consider this. If my "emotional" fulfillment can last and carry me for days, it should come as no surprise that I would feel fulfilled for a longer period of time...days even. If his "physical" fulfillment lasts only as long as the intensity of the moment, it should come as no surprise that a few hours later he would possibly have desires again, because his fulfillment has been short. Not of any less quality or success, just shorter lived. So, if husbands and wives consider the VAST difference in the way we enjoy and feel fulfilled by making love, then we can begin to understand why men are known to desire sex more often than women. And instead of wives being frustrated and complaining, they can now understand and try to be sensitive to their husbands needs and desires. And husbands can understand why his wife is less likely to initiate. It is not that she doesn't love or desire that part of their relationship...it is that she is still enjoying and being fulfilled by the time you shared 3 days ago.
Does that make sense to anybody??? Although our relationship is obviously unique in that I have never been frustrated by my husbands desires, because I share them, even though my fulfillment is primarily emotional and lasts me for days, I now understand why I hear what I do from other women.
I hope this light bulb moment has helped couples who may have issues with this.
Hey, happy gardening!
